so i went to my first real party last night. it was a very interesting social experiment, really. not that that was my purpose in going (gotta celebrate Halloween, bitches.) but everything turns into a social experiment with me, seriously.

so a brief description of the party, which was very fun, i must say, but maybe that's just because it was Halloween and MOST of the people were pretty cool. ( i even ran into someone i know and like. needless to say, he was shocked to see me at a party. and i was shocked to see him as a moose.)
let's talk about the ones that weren't cool though, 'cause that's so much more fun.

well, there were 3 slutty playboy bunnies and 2 slutty crayons and a few slutty girls that weren't dressed up at all. and a really slutty, flat-chested sailor girl. and a slutty cowgirl. ...this made my costume one of the more unique, clever, and tasteful (which surprised me because i was planning on being not-so-covered in my costume)

i was a black widow, by the way. i totally went for the double meaning, as i had a spider theme, and i was a widow: rocked a wedding-esque ring on my ring finger and a veil. i'll probably put more pictures up later if they're not terrible. the people i was with insisted on taking pictures of me.















i think i had to explain what i was to drunk people more than once... but i kind of anticipated that. one guy asked me what i was and i was like "a black widow" and he's like... "wait... but you're not a spider?" it was kind of amusing, i guess.

anyway, there was also a gorilla, and some guys with childhood superhero costumes that were too small, a male prostitute, a redcoat, a veteran, a warrior princess, some girl wearing a dress and a feather boa, etc. OH and a guy who was supposed to be a Mexican but he kept talking in an accent that sounded French. and i kept telling him so. it was kind of hilarious.

the male prostitute (in his see throughesque white, belted fishnet shirt and glittery pants....) was pelvic thrusting all over the place, especially during beer pong. which i am apparently a natural at, by the way! but we beat him. AND his glitter pants. so it's k.

and then there was this girl who was talking to a girl i was actually getting along with and she kept talking about her red Ford Focus and how we were all going to take a ride in it and i was just like no. and she tried to hug me. and that was obnoxious.

but with the exception of those people, i can actually say that everyone there was pretty cool and i really did have a good time.

i did get fairly drunk, but it's ok because i'm the best drunk ever.

reasons i am the best drunk ever:
1. i am soooooooooooo happy. and i will stay soooooooooooo happy as long as there are things going on, no people talking about my exes, and occasionally cheese curds, which i always crave like none other whenever i get drunk. i got cheese curds last night. and i was happy.

2. i don't ever throw up. ever. i started drinking over the summer. when i drink, i drink significant amounts of alcohol, but either it's never enough to make me throw up or my stomach is just a marvelous organ.

3. i have a fantastic memory. if you tell me something when i'm drunk, 95% of the time i'll remember it. i will also, while drunk, remember people's names, things like that i need to grab my coat before getting on the drunk bus, the number of the drunk bus...

4. i am conscious of my spelling and grammar. even if i am so inebriated that i am hitting the wrong keys, i will almost always attempt to *correct them. and typically succeed, eventually. haha.

5. i still tell it like it fucking is, even while intoxicated. if you are a creepy, smelly drunk, i'm going to tell you that you're a creepy smelly drunk. i guess this is usually pretty hilarious to other drunks.

"no hay mal que por bien lo venga."
my brain cries foul.
because i am a pessimist.
but
every night before i go to sleep, i am wildly optimistic.
it's like a fever breaking... or maybe like a fever breaking out.
opposite extremes, like you and me.

reality hits so hard during the day sometimes that there is no way i can possibly sleep unless i start dreaming beforehand.
and sometimes not even then.

i can't look on the bright side, because something always casts a shadow over even the lights i walk in.

no hay bien que por mal no venga.

it works both ways.

it's yucky outside. so i've been drinking a lot of tea this morning.
so naturally, eventually, i had to pee.
being a polite person, i went to the bathroom to do this. understandable, i think.
when i walked in, however, there was one girl standing at the sink doing absolutely nothing and another girl about to get in the shower. they were having an abnormally loud gossipy conversation about i can't even remember what, further amplified by the lovely dorm-bathroom acoustics.

they shot me absolutely the most ANNOYED look as i walked in on their conversation. so i peed. and of course, thirty seconds later they were still talking.
washed my hands. still talking.

now, normally, i am opposed to the hand-dryers in the bathrooms. i abhor the noise they make. however, in this case, i found it utterly appropriate to turn on the hand dryer and stand their leisurely drying my hands as they struggled to talk over it. smiling all the while. and smiling as i walked out.

my own vindictiveness pleases me an unreasonable amount.

and it's funny how even the most obnoxious noises are preferable to vacuous conversations.

but seriously, for some reason, the girls i get stuck with in my dorms are for some reason the most inconsiderate people ever. i think this is because all people are inconsiderate assholes, but that's neither here nor there.

our dorm hall is composed of little squares basically. there are no rooms across the hall from one another.
therefore, it is wholly unnecessary to stand directly outside of my room and talk.

and then last night at like 12:45 some retarded girls were walking by my door and decided to bang on it. probably because my roommate is fucking retarded and wrote "knock for a Hershy kiss:)"  yes, she spelled Hershey wrong.
because apparently, she's trying really hard to get rid of them... and it's like, if you REALLY don't want them that badly, throw them away! it'd be about the same as giving them to dumb skanks in our hall who would just as soon throw them up anyway.

bitch, it's not like you're solving world hunger or anything by letting them sit in our room until people knock and no one has knocked so far.  ...and probably never will because now under her little note of "not after 11PM" it says "FUCKIN' DUMBASSES" in my handwriting.

but seriously, i should just take her to where the homeless guy hangs out by Petco and let her give them to him. and he can beat her up and tell her that he wanted "sox" (also known in the language of homeless people holding signs as "cocaine") and that Hershey kisses don't do anyone any good at all unless they have almonds in them.

well. fuck. me.

i am infamous for being a little too honest. sometimes unintentionally.

i don't know why i bother, really. other than the fact that i feel that i have to. an actual, psychological and physical need to be overly honest.
occasionally, i can't sleep until i've said something. which may be why i've become something of an insomniac lately. too much to say, an immense fear of saying it. ...and honesty doesn't really get you anywhere.

i don't know if i've ever touched on this subject in my blog. i know i have been thinking about it for a while now... but really... what does honesty do for you? what does honesty do for anyone?

it's basically expected that you lie to get ahead in the world. name me a situation in which you get ahead by being honest. or rather.. name me a situation in which you get ahead  by being honest more so than you would get ahead by lying. unless you're Pinocchio, it probably doesn't happen.

for example, you find one hundred dollars on the ground. you do the honest thing and take it to the police. chances are, you get their thanks. maybe a small reward, of less than one hundred dollars of course. and that's all (sorry, but i don't believe in karma.)... well... had you been dishonest, you would have gotten one hundred dollars and would therefore be ahead of where you are now.

which has nothing to do with anything, really. the real issue is telling people the actual truth. most of the time, they don't like it.

and yet, i have a disgusting compulsion to tell people how things really are.
and this is why i don't sleep. this is why i get so upset when someone has a misconception about me.

in all honesty, i am pretty drunk right now. in all honesty, i don't care whether anyone reads this blog or what the truth is as long as it's not harsh words coming out of a select few mouths. in all honesty, i don't know what's good for me and sorely wish someone did. in all honesty, whenever i tell too much of the truth, i'm the one that ends up getting hurt. but i can't fucking help myself. in all motherfucking honesty, i am going to keep crossing the invisible line as long as it feels right.
 ... and, lastly, in all honesty, i will probably read this when i wake up and delete it because it's so corny. but i will also take the time to note the beautiful craftsmanship of this blog (AKA all the concentration it took to type this.)

after posting a picture of a "hot" girl dressed as a pikachu:

Cikachu: she is a beautiful girl
Cikachu: in the same way a flower pot is beautiful
rocketdogzzz: meaning you want to fill her with your seed


i would just like to say that i am fucking amazing. any objections?

...that's what i thought.

so one day, i was on the internets when this Christian dude comes and makes a religious comment. so naturally i humbly disagreed (seriously, all i said was "i don't believe in god." to his religious remark) and he FLIPS HIS SHIT. even though, i seriously kept saying that i wasn't trying to say he was wrong, that was just my belief.
because, as a motherfucking disclaimer, i don't care whether you are a Christian or not. you think what you fucking want to think and i will respect that.
BUT I WOULD APPRECIATE THE SAME COURTESY.
this guy, Brett, showed none. as a result, the following excerpts of conversation are rife with stupidity and i can't help but make fun of him while talking like a lolcat.


-Brett I: You'll die with all the other assholes
yes i will, in fact, die with all the other assholes....because everyone dies, even Christians. and i told him so.
Brett I: and burn for years and years
don't you mean forever?

-Brett I: We'll see who's laughing when we both die
i think even most Christians would disagree with you there. i don't think either of us will be laughing when we are both dead.  poor choice of words, Brett.

-Brett I: Guess inteliigence can't buy you everything
last time i checked, intelligence doesn't buy you anything. spelling "intelligence" wrong detracts from the point you are trying to make. 10 points from Gryffindor! er... Jesusfreak!

-Brett I: Go back and live under your rock, where you don't have to live to see anything
BECAUSE I, AS A CHRISTIAN, CAN SEE THINGS WHEN I AM DEAD! BWAHAHA!

Brett I: LOL your beliefs are stupid
say it with me, kids: DIVERSITY! \o/

Brett I: Living is not merely existing
right. because you still exist when you die. you just don't go to heaven. i definitely don't see your point.

Brett I: yeah, you'd rather be blind and do what someone tells you to do
yeah, you caught me. society's been SCREAMING at me to abandon popular religious beliefs. AND I DO IT. FOR THE LULZ, NO LESS.

Brett I: There is no blind of faith
Brett I: Faith is open
Brett I: not blind
i don't think open and blind are opposites. you can open the blinds... but i think that's the only connection between those two words (well that and you are openly blind)... also, i'm pretty sure faith is blind. because you can't see god. amirite?
Brett I: You of little faith, must see to believe
right.. because not having faith = not being blind. glad we see eye-to-eye on this one.

Brett I: You couldnt see Santa either, but you believed
there was evidence of Santa. also, i stopped believing in Santa when i was 5. what's your excuse?


Brett I: Haha. Yeah, your skull is thick with air inside
Brett I: I compare you to a basketball
Brett I: Firm on the outside and air on the inside
well, there's obviously no oxygen getting to your brain. also, i thank evolution for my thick skull. it protects my large brain. but you of little oxygen and soft skull are clearly superior, Brett.


rocketdogzzz: i like cats. cats are pretty cool.
Brett I: Then why don't you ask to become a cat
Brett I: ask your "holy" power for it
rocketdogzzz: ask who??
rocketdogzzz: i don't have one
Brett I: unholy*
rocketdogzzz: i'm an atheist...
Brett I: LOL
rocketdogzzz: not a satanist
so this is me asking: unholy powers, could you please make me a cat? could you make me an illiterate cat so i can't read this bullshit? that would be fucking ideal.


Brett I: i can shove my foot up your ass instead
spoken like a true good Christian. he also wished death on me a few times in this conversation. totally acceptable, as long as you believe in god.

Brett I: It makes me feel good to insult people that have irrational belief systems
me too, Brett. me too.
Brett I: The least I can do is reduce them to trash
because that is clearly what you've done here.

rocketdogzzz: sorry for being unresponsive, this is just too goddamn funny, i need to put it in my blog where all my satanist friends can read it.
Brett I: what are you putting on there
rocketdogzzz: this conversation. it's fucking hilarious, man.


Brett I: Mark my words
random comment for dramatic effect! MARKED. IN MY SATANIST BLOGLOL.

so yesterday, i had to give my first speech in my speech class.

it was to be an informative speech, 4-5 minutes, etc. we got to pick our own topic. and we were supposed to pick something that interests us.

the other topics in my round: 2 musician biographies, one director biography, boats, recreational running, idioms, schools not funding music as much as sports, some national park, autism, nicaraguan sign language... and then there was me, talking about a disease where worms crawl in your eyes.

so i would just like to say first that i am brilliant. for my introduction, i handed out gummy worms, waited till my audience had started eating them, and then proceeded to say "you've all been given gummy worms because it's probably the closest any of you will ever get to having a parasitic worm living under your skin." and everyone laughed.

so, i proceeded to describe in detail how the worms crawl under people's skin and live there and it was quite funny really. so, i got downgraded for smiling throughout the whole thing and i'm pretty sure i'm the crazy girl in my class now. but i got an A- so that's ok.

what's funny is, we got critiqued by two peers and the teacher. the teacher said "should you really be smiling while talking about this horrible disease??" and one of my peers said the same thing. what's funny is, the other person said "you should have more enthusiasm!" haha.


FAMOUSBIRD*****: ugh eye lid twitching again. need to stop doing all that crack
Rocketdog: you really should
Rocketdog: meth is better
FAMOUSBIRD*****: yeah? but then the crank bugs..
Rocketdog: i don't even know what you're talking about anymore haha
FAMOUSBIRD*****: haha
FAMOUSBIRD*****: meth gives you the itchies
Rocketdog: yuck
Rocketdog: haha
Rocketdog: how do you know?
FAMOUSBIRD*****: you think bugs are crawling in ur skin
Rocketdog: that's what my speech was about. i should have given them meth!
Rocketdog: instead of gummy worms!


so basically, next time i'm using meth.


also, my next speech is a 4-5 minute with powerpoint. i'm thinking i need an awesome creepy follow up. harlequin babies? 
http://www.asylumeclectica.com/asylum/malady/archives/harlequin/harlequin1.jpg